The How of Forgiveness | Philemon 8-20
Have you ever heard of a “Spite House?” A spite house is one that is built with the sole intention of irritating your neighbor as an act of revenge. They are found all over the world and are built on anger to block views, limit access or create an eye sore. In the 1970s, there was a millionaire landowner in Chicago that had a small piece of land between two complexes. It was only 5 yards wide. There was nothing you can do to develop it, so he went to one of the neighbors and offered to sell it to them to give them more space. The neighbor insulted him and offered him pennies on the dollar. He was upset, went to the other neighbor with the same offer, and that neighbor offered him less than the other guy. The man was so offended, so he researched what was legal to build and built a tiny house between them. He moved into it and lived there until he died all out of spite. We live in a world of spite, anger and unforgiveness, always living in a chronic state of tit for tat. Unforgiveness is one of the most powerful, effective forms of bondage in a person’s life. Some of you have been hurt badly by a spouse, a friend, a pastor, a church member, a co-worker, a relative, or a stranger and you are locked in the prison of unforgiveness, a spite house, that you have built on the lies of the enemy. No one goes through life without being hurt by someone. It is not if I am hurt, but how do I (as a Christian) deal with the hurt when I am hurting so that I don’t hurt anymore?
The book of Philemon is a personal letter written by Paul while in prison in Rome around 60-61 AD; it was sent with the letter to the Colossians to deal with a personal matter. It is one of the shortest books of the Bible (335 words) and often overlooked and under-appreciated, yet it teaches us the theology of conflict resolution and forgiveness. Paul never uses the word, “forgive” but it is found all over. Philemon is a test case on the transforming power of the gospel in our relationships with others especially those who have wronged us. This book teaches us: why we can forgive, how we can forgive and what is the goal of our forgiveness. We can learn how to forgive others when we see that forgiveness is a decision that refuses to seek revenge and remembers that we forgave.